When You Feel Like Quitting
(It happens to all of us...)
I was browsing through my old blog posts not that long ago and came across the gem you’ll find below, titled “Pressing On.” This post dates way back to June 2018, and I wrote it after failing to final (again) in a major writing contest—only this time, I’d made it as far as the semi-finals in two categories, and I had thought for sure that would be my year. Then the finalist list came out without my name on it. You’d think getting a step closer by semi-finaling might motivate me, but nope, I felt utterly dejected, like my writing would never be good enough.
After years in this industry, I suspect nearly every author feels like quitting at least once. Some of us, a little more frequently than that. *shrugs* The funny thing is, at the time I wrote that post, I had no idea how close I was to taking some major steps forward. Less than a year later in 2019, I finaled in the prestigious RWA Golden Heart award contest, sold my first book to Harlequin, and signed with my literary agent.
Since then, I’ve sold ten more books (nine to Harlequin and one to Penguin Random House), finaled in numerous contests, and won a HOLT Medallion and a Carol Award. But I’ve also failed to make the finals far more times than I’ve succeeded. I’ve had several projects die on submission. I’ve racked up more rejections than I care to count.
I’ve heard it said before that if you can quit writing, then for the sake of your sanity, DO. And while I laugh about that, there’s truth to it: this industry is hard. Once you reach a certain skill threshold, success is usually based on luck rather than hard work, and it can take years to get there (especially depending on your definition of success!). If you’re looking for “easy,” this ain’t it. But things that are worth doing aren’t often easy, are they? And if you quit, you’ll never hold your book in your hands. Or have it to share with readers.
So here are some thoughts I’d like to add to my old post, for those moments when you need some encouragement along the road.
Remember your “why”
Why are you doing this? Why aren’t you quitting? You could be watching TV or reading a book instead of laboriously struggling to write one. Are you doing it because you love to tell stories, or you simply must write before you burst? Do you picture holding your finished book in your hands? Or signing copies for readers at a book event? Whatever your deepest heart reason is, find it and cling to it like an abalone on a rock. Maybe write it on a sticky note at your desk, where you’ll see it every time you sit down to work. It’ll help you weather the storms.
Feel your feelings
Maybe I should’ve started with this one, but it’s absolutely normal to feel disappointed when you don’t final in a contest, or sad when you get a rejection, or even jealous of someone else’s success. And as much as we’d rather sweep those unpleasant feelings under the rug, they’re not going to go away through being ignored. Acknowledge them, sit with the discomfort, maybe eat some ice cream or whine to your critique partner, and then pick yourself up and move on. Sometimes a few hours will suffice, sometimes it might take longer. It’s okay to grieve.
Take a break
Honestly, you might just be tired. Maybe your day job has been super stressful lately, or you have a houseful of hungry teenagers with an endless stream of activities they need rides to (not talking from personal experience here at all), or you have a sick or elderly loved one who needs extra care. Certain personality types tend to push themselves too hard (also not talking from personal experience), which can push you toward burnout even faster. And if you’ve neglected your healthy eating and exercise habits, your body might just be telling you it’s time for a break. Writing is one more thing on your plate, and when it’s not giving you joy or feels like a burden you’d rather drop, it might be time to show yourself some grace and take a break. Even a short one helps.
Create a plan of action
You’ve felt your feelings, you’ve remembered your why, you’ve gotten some rest or taken a vacation, and now you’re thinking maybe you shouldn’t quit after all. What’s next? To avoid sliding back into a sense of overwhelm or dejection, it helps me to make a list of my next steps. Like most authors who want to do this publishing thing as a career, I have long-term goals. To help reach these goals, every few months (or more often as needed), I’ll jot down the things I would like to get done in the coming weeks.
Breaking bigger goals down into actionable steps makes achieving them feel more doable. Sometimes they’re things related to my work in progress or an approaching deadline, but sometimes they’re other author-adjacent tasks that don’t feel too overwhelming (or are fun), such as making a mood board on Pinterest, creating a music playlist, working on my author website, or writing a blog post (thanks, Substack!). Even small steps will give you a forward sense of momentum to get the ball rolling again.
And now, for the original post… (It’s too long to paste in its entirety, so there’s a button to click if you’d like to keep reading.)
Pressing On
(June 19, 2018)
Remember how I said in an earlier post that the only to develop a thick skin is by experiencing rejection? Let’s keep it real – it hurts, friends. And I’m not just talking to my fellow writers. We’ve all experienced failure and rejection in some form, haven’t we? That special someone who turned you down. That time you didn’t get called for a second interview. The dream college who rejected your application. That time you got picked last for teams on the school playground.
We’ve all been there, in one form or another. In fact, I took my own trip to Rejection Land this past week, and being a writer, thought what better topic for my next blog post?
Because when we experience the pain of rejection, our minds inevitably skate along to the same conclusions: I’m not good enough. If there was any question before, this incident has proven it. Should I give up? And for us writers–
Should I quit writing?
And I want that answer for you, and for myself, to always be
No. Don’t give up. Ever.
Now there may come a time when, due to life circumstances, you make a reasoned decision to step away from writing. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about that moment of crushing defeat when you feel like a caveman with a chisel could write a better novel than you, and so hang it all, you might as well just quit now and spare the world from your worthless drivel. DO NOT QUIT at a moment like that. Brain needs to make the decisions, not fear or self-pity or shame.
Yes, it would, in fact, be a whole lot easier to quit than to suffer through rejection and keep working anyway…but then why did you become a writer in the first place?
I love this post! Thank you so much for your honesty and inspiration. This industry is SO hard and posts like yours are so helpful. :)